I say those phrases from time to time because in those cases, the situation is out of our control so there is nothing else to say or do.
 

My mom always said "Que sera sera" (whatever will be will be).
She would say this when the only thing to do was to wait and see what would happen or you had no choice.
Usually it was for small things like getting someplace after it closed or someone getting sick when we were supposed to do something.
These statements are similar. Using it in every day life is just idicitive of laziness or disinterest.
 

I think people can take responsibility for their own actions and believe in fate.

For instance, you might be responsible for the break up of a relationship. But you can't control when someone you know gets cancer, for instance. When random stuff happens to us beyond our control, I think a lot of people would like to think it happens for a reason.

In either case, be you responsible or not for something, I think there is always a lesson to be learned.
 

HATE that phrase.

People mostly women and my gay friends would say it all the time when looking, and not getting, a new house.

It' like, "ya the universe knew that place wasn't really right for me"
 

Not only do use those phrases, but I totally believe in them. It's depressing to think it's your fault every single time you can't have exactly what you want or something happens out of your control.
There are reasons you don't get what you want just when you want it... because IT WASN'T MEANT FOR YOU! ... and don't you always find that something else comes around that makes you forget why you wanted that other thing so bad in the first place?

Sometimes what you want is not what you need and I think fate can take part in nudging you in a different direction.
 

Well, it certainly isn't all "meant to be" or all personal responsibility. It's somewhere in between. You certain wouldn't want to drive yourself nuts fixing something/someone that's not fixable, and you certainly shouldn't bail at the first instance of work.
 

Diva: Just say "the situation is out of control" and leave it at that.

Rachel: Small things, I get it. It's the big things that are crazy

KA and JG: YES!

MJ: Maybe the reasons some people don't get what they want is because they are looking in the wrong place, or asking too much, or not working hard enough at it. Either way, I don't think it's "fate". By leaving it to fate, one can stop trying to find something they really want (or realize it's not what they want in the first place).

BTC: There's a reason why things don't happen when you want them to: Either one person doesn't do the things it takes, the other party doesn't do their part, or time runs out. Either way, it's life, not imaginary.
 

So according to you, you can negate all the intangibles (i.e. attraction, feelings, timing, chemistry, etc.) and just find someone that's willing to work infinitely at anything and not die along the way? One should just start a new dating website, www.youandiwontevergiveup.com. It would give match, eharm, and the rest a run for their money. ;o)
 

So SGB~
you're saying that from birth until death you are responsible for everything that happens? Do you choose your parents? Their economic standing? their manners? the fact that mom and/or dad stayed around, or didn't?

Doesn't how you were raised set you up for how you act and react through life?

Why wasn't I born to rich parents? Well, that's because you weren't looking for it hard enough before conception.
 

MJ: You are hitting on the issue at the core -- there are SO many things that we just can't help, whether it's because of the way we were raised, or something that happened to us when we were younger. The point of the post is that if we are young, healthy and somewhat intelligent humans, we need to work really hard to get what we want. When confronted by a major challenge, we can either throw up our hands and cry upbringing, or roll up our sleeves and work 10 times harder to make the best of it. At least we can then go to bed at night and say "I truly did my best."

BTW - this would be a great group in-person discussion.. I love the heated and passionate debates with no answers! :)
 

Another phrase I hate: 'I'm sorry you feel that way.' Every time someone says that, they sound pompous and self-righteous. Makes me absolutely furious.
 

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your last comment to MJ is true. However that doesnt mean that the same phrase cannot be applied to outcomes that happen that make you say "I truely did my best".
I think you are talking of the extreme use of that phrase. The passive acceptance of a situation. The lack of responsibility to certain situations. But if someone has "truely did their best" and the outcome was not what they wanted - then someone can also say "it was meant to be". How many times to people strive for one thing but are led to something else, something more fullfilling? Something that they didnt think they wanted? See - in that sense is the term used how I would use it.
But yes - I agree - when the term is used to justify someone's passive acceptance or lack of responsibility or victim role in a situation they could change but they dont - then it gets annoying.
 

i think a lot of women say this because in general, although this is the 21st century, women often feel comfortable being courted by men.

this leaves us as the passive member in the dating world. so we need something to cling to so we don't lose our minds.

by saying, "if it's meant to be...", we are validating our roles as old-fashioned girls. it's like we are saying, "it's ok to keep being passive, because things are already decided for us anyway. don't stress about not having any control over your dating situation."

i do think that with some things in a relationship, no amount of hard work on either party's part will help. example: chemistry. you can't work together to make chemistry.

so if i go on a date w/a guy and he's wonderful on paper, but there's no spark, it wasn't meant to be.

fair enough?

and yes, i agree, this would make a great in-person conversation.

and yes, i have been known to use the phrase from time to time. usually in the manner that diva was describing. when i'm feeling out of control. it gets tossed around a lot during breakups. LOL