Advice to a teenage girl I've got a niece who is about to head into high school, and though I'm confident her parents have had the "boys and sex" conversation with her, I'm hoping to also anonymously provide some guidance on the realities of the dating world - and I'm confident the wit and experience of my blogging friends can help!

Here's what I got so far:
* There is a 1 in 200 chance that the boy you fall in love with in high school will be the one you marry
* A boy will really do or say anything to get sex between 15 and 18 (no need to tell her that this will continue most of the rest of his life)
* You will truly fall in love every 9 years of your life
* Every relationship has a few turning points: 1st time you kiss; 1st time you have sex; 10th time you have sex; 3 months into it; 3.9 years into it; 9 years
* What you think you need in a partner now will change every year of your life, or as long as you continue to learn about people and society and about yourself
* Between the ages of 20 and 30, you will be asked about the "first time you had sex". Think about that - want to be able to tell the truth or have to fabricate a lie?
* Most girls are curious about other girls - there's absolutely nothing wrong with that
* If you start to head down a path that doesn't feel comfortable, stop it at any point. I know this is difficult, but do it and be ok with it.
* It's difficult to gauge once you've started drinking/drugs, but they can absolutely affect the decisions you make when you're with a boy. Understand the consequences before you start.
* The boy you really like may be into "blondes" or "really skinny girls" or "big boobs" -- that means he's not interested in the right things. Don't change for anyone.
* This is a difficult one, as only experience can really guide you, but sometimes in life, no matter how much you like/love someone, they may just not be that into you, and you will not be able to change that no matter what you do.
* Date people really close to your age. Every year at this point in your life means a LOT more than it does later in life. Don't try to grow up too fast in the dating world. And yes, you are ALWAYS going to think you are more experienced and knowledgeable than your age.

New from friendly bloggers:
* BTC: If the boy has trouble making friends or has no friends, he'll have trouble making a relationship work. (Got to learn how to walk before one can run.)
* BTC: You can give too much in the name of love and have it not pay off, so don't lose yourself to become a martyr.
* BTC: There's a reason for the term boyFRIEND. Make sure he's like one/some of your friends. If your true friends hate him, heed the red flag.
* LNB: Don't run after a guy if he walks away from you.

That's all I got so far. I just know you all can help!
-SGB  ¶ 7:33 AM 11 Comments

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  Swingers! The (not) movie... Personally, I always thought that the concept of open relationships were things that one only sees in movies, or it's done by fairly desperate and unattractive people. I actually had quite an eye-opening experience last night. I was at a friend's house, who was having a birthday party for his wife, and after a few cocktails (and I think he had been smoking something also), he tells me that there was this amazingly attractive couple coming to the party that were real "swingers". Given my skepticism on the whole topic, I had a definite vision in my head, and boy was I wrong!

The couple that walked in could have been models. Both were absolutely beautiful, confident, incredibly nice, intelligent, and obviously friendly. Given my constant inquisitive nature, I tried desperately to get them to talk about their life, but couldn't get anything substantial out of them. They were very well dressed and kept mentioning that they were actually going to a "party" after their visit, and you have to figure they didn't get there until about 11. I ended up leaving around midnight and they were still there.

I talk to my friend this morning, and he gives me all sorts of juicy details about their life. It went something along these lines: She loves him. He loves her. They both love sex. She has sex with him, but also likes to have sex with girls. He likes to have sex with her, but also likes it when she has sex with him (if you catch my point). They like to go out and meet single girls or couples, and all have sex together. The rules: she can't have penetration sex with another man, and he can't have penetration sex with another woman. All else is fair game!

I would venture to guess that there are not many people out there who could handle such a relationship, but it sure seemed to work for them! :)

-SGB  ¶ 2:18 PM 6 Comments

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  Brand New Love


More here...  ¶ 1:19 PM 2 Comments

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  Online dating profiles Ok, I admit it. I've had my share of online dating in the past few years, and I think it's about time I give some advice on how we (men) look at the profiles, as well as some suggestions on how to make them more enticing if that is something you are interested in.

* Pictures: Make sure they have been taken within the past 6 months. Don't put up that perfect college pic if that's no longer what you look like. Also, if you want a reasonable response, close-ups of face, body parts, etc. do not count. Make sure they are full body pics!

* Names: DO NOT use a cheesy name - I had a blog post once that listed some of the funniest, craziest names I've ever heard, and they all sounded the same. Be clever, and come up with something memorable or unique that best represents who you are.

* Profiles: Again, one day you will probably meet someone you really like in real life. Don't embellish too much, or flat out lie about what you like and don't like. It will be discovered eventually!

* General information: Women, I know you probably don't ever go through other women's profiles, but DO IT. Read what others in your area and age range say about themselves. Learn from your "competition". And be memorable. As a guy reading through these profiles, by #10 you start to realize that they all sound exactly the same!

* Likes/dislikes: This is going to be a very general statement, so please do not bite my head off for it. Most guys out there are looking for women who look, act, write, speak, and are proud to be very feminine. If you're not into things that guys are, say it, but phrase it in such a way that will present you as open to new experiences or just hanging out with a guy that loves something you absolutely hate.

* In conclusion: If you want an honest, funny, masculine guy, make it easier on yourself. Be honest. Be clever. Be unique. Be feminine. Have a great sense of humor. We should be enjoying these times of meeting people and dating! It's supposed to be fun, right? :)

-SGB  ¶ 11:01 AM 4 Comments

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  Just not feeling it After making a concoction with my leftovers for dinner last night, I decided to go on a nice long walk, and ended up at one of my favorite mexican restaurants. I like to go there sometimes and sip on some delicious margaritas, chat with the bartenders, watch a game, and just overall be by myself.

I ended up sitting at the bar next to these 3 girls and a guy (who was married to one of the girls), and they seemed to be having a (drunken) jolly time. One of the girls was obviously in flirty mode, and kept trying to get me to have some of their food. After having my dinner, I just wasn't into it - but after repeated nudged of pieces of food in my direction, I tried it, thanked them, and proceeded to watch the game. Now, I'm a big observer of body language and tone, and this poor girl was trying really hard to flirt - I'm talking the hair toss, the showing of the neck, the pulling shoulders back, the glances at me/the game/me -- pretty much everything in the book. After a few margaritas, I thanked them for sharing their food, and told them I was leaving. I got the "So, do you live nearby?" - yes, walking home. "So we'll see you here same time next week?" maybe, depends on who is playing. Pretty much not feeling it.

Looking back now, I really wish I was feeling it, as she was definitely cute, and it could have been fun to hang out and chat for a bit. FYI, that probably would have never happened if I was out looking to meet someone! ;)

-SGB  ¶ 8:23 AM 9 Comments

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  I am about to hurt my arm... Ok, I got to tell you - the dinner I made on Sunday for my friends was an absolute success! There were 7 courses, lots of great conversation, perfect background music, people getting a good buzz from great wine, people feeding each other, going back for seconds and thirds, and overall an amazing day/night. The event started at 4:30 and people were still there after 11. Ok, arm hurts from patting self, will stop now. :)
-SGB  ¶ 10:00 AM 6 Comments

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  Rich men & beautiful women A buddy and I were having lunch a while back, and we were sitting next to this stunningly beautiful woman who never looked at anyone in the eye. She was there with some (probably) co-workers, and as she got up to leave, the whole room just paused to take in her presence.

So we got to thinking about this question:
* Can absolutely gorgeous women and incredibly rich men ever really know what true love is?

Think about it: these people have probably been gawked at, befriended, hit on, and have had all the priviledges handed to them their entire lives. They have probably not had the same struggles most of us have. They probably don't know what it's like to be lonely, not by choice but because you are not feeling/looking your best or at a transition in your life. People's description of them probably usually begins with "She is this beautiful woman..." or "He is the heir of...".

What do you all think? Is there hope for these people? :)

-SGB

BTW, the girl looked a little oblivious to her surroundings, so I looked at my buddy and said "Don't you feel bad for her?" -- we both simultaneously answered with a resounding "NO!" :)  ¶ 10:40 AM 13 Comments

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  If it's meant to be... I was just recently reflecting back on a relationship I was in a few years ago, where the woman's favorite sayings were "If it's meant to be..." and "Everything happens for a reason". There is nothing that drives me crazier than those quotes. No matter how many times I would say to her: "Saying that means that you are giving yourself the liberty to not work really hard at something", she would just not get it.

I guess it comes down to the same issue I have with so many people in the world, and it's that they do not take personal responsability for their actions, and leave it to some higher power (government, god, snow-angels, whatever).

So please, if anyone out there says these things (and for some reason, it's usually women), help me understand!! And don't say I would understand if it was meant to be! ;)

-SGB  ¶ 11:15 AM 14 Comments

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  It's amazing men and women ever get along: Part 1 - cheating What is the definition of cheating?

I'm sure if you ask most women, the answer is something along the lines of "Any thought or action from the person you are romantically involved with towards another person". I swear, I've been accused of "cheating" for emailing (casually, not sexually) another woman when I was in a relationship. Whether it's thinking about it, writing about it, or doint it -- it seems like it's all cheating in a woman's head. The crazy part is that for men, the definition of cheating is something along the lines of "whenever your penis is out, and in another woman's hole". Really, that's basically it.

I'm not saying what's right, but there is quite a gap in the way we both think. Tyipcally, men have a more difficult time associating emotion with sex, and the exact opposite seems to be true for women.

Note that these comments are generalizations, I'm just speaking from my experiences, so don't bombard me with "I can have sex without emotions too!". ;)

So I say again (in the 1st part of this discussion series), it's amazing we get along and can build lives together!

Happy hump day everyone...
-SGB  ¶ 9:13 AM 9 Comments

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  A supposedly fun thing I'll never do again With all due respect to one of my favorite authors, there are times in life when something sounds like it could be fun in a strange way, especially when told by a good salesperson.

Earlier in the week, I got a call from an ex (strange, I am still friends with several of them), who said she met someone that she thought was perfect for me. Note: this isn't necessarily strange as this ex and I are still good friends, we chat frequently, and have a great time when we hang out. Her exact words were "You are going to have SO MUCH FUN. She's witty, cute as a button, and actually 'gets' good humor and quick wit." So I meet up with my ex (and another guy friend) last night for a casual 'pre-st-patty day happy hour' to meet this girl.

The evening started out pretty crazy, as it seemed the entire city had the same idea as we did -- let the weekend start early! Though the girl was definitely "cute as a button" --eek on the phrasing-- it was difficult in such a situation to gather the witty and sense of humor parts. As we found a quieter place to chat, I started gathering that the ex absolutely mistook this girl's complete confusion in her life for "witty". Get this: she was an admin turned personal assistant turned programmer turned project manager turned artist/designer looking to be an entrepreneur (except that she wanted to travel for a few years) -- all that and she is 25. Now my sense of humor is defintely one of timing and wit, so at this point (not as a test, but just as I had a few drinks in me and couldn't help it) I believe I said something like "..wow, a traveling entrepeneur... have you thought about a quick career in construction before that?" The ex got it, but her friend and my set-up both looked at me as if I was serious. Blank stares. I had to follow it up with something lighter or a har-har comment, but overall a total failure. A few more drinks later and the ex started getting a little more flirty, at which point everything got a little weird and I had to excuse myself and get the hell out of there.

Moral of the story: Don't have an ex set you up with someone. If they were not right for you, there's a good chance that their choice will not be either. And don't fall for that "you'll love her.. it's going to be SOOOO fun!"

-SGB  ¶ 8:45 AM 4 Comments

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  Levels of drunk I had a big night out this weekend with a good buddy, and we hit up this bar that gets the drinking started early (2 for 1 until 10). This actually leads to some interesting drunken-ness, and something we call "sloppy night". Not for us as I think we manage pretty well, but for the people around us.

So I saw this woman go through these phases of drunk:
1. Enjoying a cocktail with her friends, smiling, laughing
2. Doing shots at the bar with a group of people (who didn't seem to know her)
3. Her: "Hi I'm ___. What do you do?" Me: "I'm SGB. I'm an aspiring chef!". Her: "Yeah, I'm from LA. I'm a model."
4. Shots with her friends (who were a couple, btw). Balance begins to fade.
5. A drink with me! Her: "I'll just have a shot of whatever."
6. Dancing by herself at the bar. Neck muscles begin to lose function.
7. Her: "Hi, I'm ___. What do you do?" Me: "I'm SGB. I'm a tv producer." Her: "No way! I'm a model!". Me: "That's crazy, I was just thinking that I need to find someone for a pilot I'm shooting!"
8. She is off with her friends again, doing more drinking and holding up a wall.
9. Friends leave, she comes to hang out again.
10. Her (stumbling now): "So I know I need to lose a little weight, but I got nice boobs, right?" Me: "You have nice boobs, but you need to stop drinking first." Her: "ummmm..." (she didn't get it)
11. Me: "I'll be right back" Her: "Ok, no worries, I'll be here waiting for my friends" (who had left)
12. As I come back, I look over to see her basically slide off a wall onto the ground.
13. The bartender: "Is she with you?" Me: "umm.. hell no. She is here with her friends who may have left." Security: "Let's get her out of here"
14. Outside, no sign of friends, she doesn't know where they live, and they aren't responding to repeated phone calls.
15. As she is now holding up the outside wall, a cab shows up to take her.. umm.. who knows where!

Lessons:
1. When in a new town, write down where you are staying
2. There is nothing interesting about stupid drunk people
3. You never know who you will meet. Keep your wits about you. I COULD have been a producer!
4. Have good friends.

-SGB  ¶ 10:16 AM 4 Comments

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  Tagged!! D'oh!! I was tagged! With all the traveling and work lately, I'm having to think a little more about which books I've recently read. Here goes though:

Art of the Start by Guy Kawasaki
* I really enjoy books by Kawasaki, though I always feel like I do after I read a Dalai Lama book -- it all sounds so easy in theory, yet it's a lot of work to get into that mind-set.

Culinary Boot Camp by the CIA
* I've always wanted to go to cooking school, and this really lays it out there. Halfway through, I realized that I really just want to cook for family and friends. :)

The Tipping Point and Blink by Malcolm Gladwell
* I am completely fascinated with sociology. These books are incredibly fun to read and really make you think about your own life and the people around it. Probably my favorite books in the past 6 months.

The Education of a coach, by David Halberstam
* Being from the east coast, I am a bit football fan, and I think Bill Belichick is one of the all time great coaches. I enjoyed this book because it made me think about how sports and life are so tied together. The book made me think about my life and how to be great at anything, you have to be a great man, which means respect for friends, love for family, and a passion for doing what you truly care about.

Ok, that's my list. Tagging NotGirls, TAB, Chill Factors, Downtown Chic, and BtCoL.  ¶ 9:09 AM 2 Comments

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  My theory on Lesbianism Inspired by this post from VB, I thought I'd post my thoughts on lesbianism.

Despite what Freud says, I've never had a dream about being gay. Really. So why is it so easy for so many women to "experiment" or even think/dream about being with another woman? Here's my 2 part theory:

Part 1: Women's body parts are beautiful, more developed, and with purpose. Think about it -- breasts are there and have a life giving purpose in feeding. The vagina is a neatly organized bundle, where everything is perfectly folded, tucked, and covered with a purpose. Body hair is only in places necessary for coverage. Now look at men: we've got breasts for no reason, protruding body parts, back hair. It's like God was creating humans, finished women, and was erasing men's breasts and creating a bow with our penises when he got a phone call and pretty much took the rest of the day off.

Part 2: Both men and women are created inside a woman. The voice we all hear before we are born is mostly a woman. We come out of a woman's vagina. One of our first experiences of pleasure is to be fed by a woman's breast! With all respect to women who enjoy the penis, everyone probably thinks about women subconsciouly at some point in a sexual way. It's like the old joke says -- we spend 9 months coming out of a woman, and the rest of our lives trying to get back in. :)

-SGB  ¶ 9:18 AM 6 Comments

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  Emotional Intelligence I've been reading an article on emotional intelligence (check it out here), and it hit me how under-valued this type of intelligence is. How many times have you met someone who is incredibly intelligent and well spoken (let's say book smart), yet seems to be unable to carry on a conversation with people, or be able to read when someone is tired or bored.

The article has also left me wondering why men and women seem to be so different with the different types of emotional intelligence.

Example from reading the article -- I would imagine that:

* Women are more comfortable with Personal Competence: self awareness, and Social Competence: Empathy.

* Men are more comfortable with Personal Competence: Self Regulation and Motivation, and Social Competence: Social Skills.

What do you all think? How important is it for a potential mate to read your emotions and non-verbal communication?

Oh, and Take the test (I got a 75 -- would love to know how that compares).  ¶ 5:02 PM 7 Comments

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  Women: remove the following from your vocabulary I just love lists! :)

* The game isn't over yet?? It's been an hour!
* Everything happens for a reason
* Even guys are going to like this movie! (umm.. sure)
* Where is this going?
* Do you prefer to spend time with your friends?
* My friend's boyfriend always gets her ____!
* Sorry I'm being such a bitch. I'm on my period.
* Do you think she's hot?
* If it's meant to be...
* I really think you are amazing. A beautiful friend!
* You would really like my kids.
* How do I taste?
* Are you going to miss me when you go to ____?
* Do these pants make my ass look big?
* Ewww.. I would never kiss another girl!
* Mmmm... that Brad Pitt sure is HOT
* I'm thinking of cutting my hair
* My friends want to leave, so.. bye.

I'm sure I'm missing a lot more, but if you've got some of your own, drop them in the comments!  ¶ 8:49 AM 9 Comments

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  Secure women in relationships One of the things I noticed on my trip was the different ways women act when they are in a relationship. The way I see it, there are 2 types, both of which I ran into:

1. I am at the bar overlooking the ocean (mmm... mentally back there for a moment...), and a woman sits next to me. So the friendly SGB I am, I strike up a conversation about how the weather and how the adult industry has proved seemingly impervious to the fluxuation of the internet economy (it was actually about the lack of service from the bartenders, who were working on different time schedules than most of us are used to), and she played along beautifully! She said that was the reason she moved to that side of the bar, in hopes of actually getting a drink, and we chatted for a few minutes. Then this guy shows up and she introduces him as her fiancee (no ring, though, weird), who jumps in the conversation.
Lesson: You can be smart, beautiful, flirty, and confident in a relationship -- all at the same time!

2. I am in the pool doing laps (i.e. floating near the shallow end), and decide to go jump in the jacuzzi, where a woman is there with her boyfriend. As I jump in, he was jumping out (must have been intimidated), but she stayed in. There were a few others on the other side of the jacuzzi also. I do my best William Shatner impersonation and chat up this stranger, and it goes like this:
me: What a day, huh?
her: nothing
me: Can't beat weather like this. And NO kids in the pool. It sure is relaxing
her: Yes, it's beautiful
me: Oh, you have an accent, are you from Australia?
her: Umm, yeah
me: I've got lots of family there. Is that where you and your boyfriend are from
her: Yes.
me: Ok, well have a nice day! (I duck under the warm water)
Lesson: When this happens to guys, they immediately think that there's a problem with the relationship, and there are so many insecurities that they will eventually lead to infidelity and a bitter end to a relationship.

So be confident ladies, both when you are single and when you begin to date. Trust the person you are with, and make sure there is confidence and trust coming back at you. Otherwise, you are just wasting time and delaying the inevitable.

  ¶ 11:56 AM 3 Comments

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  Travel notes Oh the things you notice while traveling!

1. People who fart on airplanes should be shot (actually, they should have something in the air that lets you trace back to the offending party, so they could be beaten by a line of people like they did on the Airplane movie)

2. When did they start charging for every little thing on a plane? Yet they now also serve mojitos and margaritas? (yes, I got both)

3. Airports are:
a) A place to wait for a flight
b) A place to fall asleep in the middle of the corridor
c) An excuse to take your pets for a walk
d) A place to get sushi, burritos, fresh bread, and $3.75 bottle of water
e) All the above

4. Speedos (aka "banana boats") should be illegal on US soil

5. No tops on women's bikinis should be not only encouraged, but mandatory (given proper height/weight ratios)

6. What's with this fascination for sand castles? I think I tripped over 20 of them this weekend!

7. Speaking of kids -- there should be a separate place for them on a beach. With a big sound-proof wall between them and the rest of humans. And there can be all the sandcastles in the world there. And parents can feel free to change their diapers there.

8. When did the beaches in the US turn into the beaches of Mexico? No, I don't want to take surfing lessons, or go kayaking, or snorkeling. I was waiting for some offers of wooden fish toys and chicklets!

9. Really? $30 to rent an umbrella for the beach for a few hours? Reaaallly???

10. Flying anywhere for a vacation is at least 100 times more fun than flying back. It's depressing, and I can't believe I have to work today. :(  ¶ 10:02 AM 4 Comments

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  To all single women on Valentine's day I've briefly discussed this as posts on others' blogs, but I think it's important enough for me to blog about it here, as this is the place for you to get a better sense of "what men really think about".

364. That is the number of days that women truly have a hold on men. It is the number of days that you can flirt without care, play the "I like you as a friend" card, tease, taunt, and thoroughly captivate our minds and imagination with your beauty and sexuality.

So on this day of St. Valentine, I hope you understand that experience tells us it is the one day where you lower your shield. You start to show the slightest of weakness and vulnerability. You are much like us, with insecurities about your looks or intelligence or sense of humor, and fear of ending up alone in the world. Men know this, and to be honest, we're not quite sure how to deal with it.

Most men simply see it as a way to get "revenge" and take advantage of the situation (after all, can you blame us?). Others go out with their friends, telling themselves they don't care about v-day, happy that they are not in a relationship -- especially seeing how commercialized it is! Have you seen the restaurant menus on these days??. Deep down in our minds, though, we do know that this is a good day to be out there. It's a day we may get to meet the true you. The one that is most like us.

Go enjoy a wonderful night out with your girlfriends ladies. Just remember, tomorrow the clock starts back at 1 again. :)

-SGB  ¶ 10:23 AM 4 Comments

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  Am I back? It's been a long time, and made some good and entertaining friends last time I was here. Maybe it's time to get back into it and re-kindle the joys of guidance, laughter, and disbelief that come with the honesty around what men really think about.

The question is: Anyone still remember me?
LunaVela? GGA? PGH? Elle? NotGirls? TDL?

Also, any other blogs I should be reading and commenting on?

-SGB  ¶ 3:36 PM 6 Comments

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